On The Topic Of Winter Break

A reader who goes by the name of "Michael" sent me an e-mail that brought up a topic I have been thinking about for quite a while now:

Am I wrong to be annoyed that so many people are taking their kids out of school to go on vacation, even though they are leaving before actual vacation starts. I tend to think that from the start of the year you know the schedule and if you want to go away you plan around the actual vacation. It seems to me that by pulling your kids out during actual school days the message is to the children is clear: Florida/Bahamas, etc., is more important than school.

So many of my neighbors from two particular schools just take their kids out of school because they want to go away. Forget about the fact that vacationing in some of these places raises significant halachik issues, it is just so bad for children to see that vacation trumps school. The implications are obvious, "why do homework, instead I will watch a game, if vacation trumps school why can't sports.

One school has gone so far as to implicty condone such behavior and has scheduled a second siddur play so that those students who missed the first one (scheduled for this week) will be able to attend the "make-up" for the vacationers.

The short answer: Michael, I agree with you almost completely on this.

Now for the long answer:

There are a few facets to the topic of winter vacation, so please bear with me while I try to untangle my thoughts.

First of all, there is the first issue that Michael mentioned above. Many parents tack a few days on to either/both ends of the school vacation, because they somehow feel that a week to ten days is not enough of a family vacation. I am not hugely in favor of this. As Michael points out, the message that these parents are sending their children is pretty close to saying that Vail, Miami or Aruba is more important a place to be than at their desks, learning Torah. I can already hear all the arguments from parents who have done or are planning to so echoing in my comment section. "But we all need our family time together so badly!"or "The school condones it, so what am I doing so wrong?". In terms of the family time, I hear you. Everyone needs family time. But is the extra weekend that you are gaining together really worth sending your kids a message that you get to decide when school is important and when it is not? Not sure. And please be aware that I am not discussing family trips to visit out-of-town grandparents. What I am referring to here are the trips to sun and ski spots that so many families have planned for this week.

The second point, which is the fact that the schools implicitly condone the trips, is a fault with the administrations of these Yeshivas. These Yeshivas should make a policy, and stick to it. The fact that, as Michael recounts above, there is a school in the area that has rescheduled a school event because too many parents will be away due to "vacation creep" is appalling. If the parents choose to go away and miss an event, fine. But that is their choice. I don't think the school should give them the chance for a make-up siddur play, should it?

On a related note, There is even a boys' Yeshiva in the area that does not give a winter vacation at all. They give a few long weekends throughout the winter, and that is it. If families feel they need to get away for a few days, the Yeshiva allows it on a case-by-case basis. Apparently, a large percentage of the parent body consists of dual-income homes, and the parents complained that they simply could not take off the time. Nor could many of them afford to travel to exotic locales as many of their co-parents were doing. So the school thought that abolishing winter vacation was a good solution. Which it is, for many parents. However, the solution opened up its own can of worms. Instead of some parents flying off with their kids while other parents stay home and scrounge for day care, some kids sit in class and review, while other kids fly off and come back a week later with suntans and vacation pictures. Isn't this creating even a bigger dichotomy between the haves and the have-nots? Again, not sure. Another problem with this particular Yeshiva's system is that because they have no set vacation, teachers are allowed to take off a few days for their own family vacations. Which means that the students are left with a haphazard schedule of substitute teachers and free periods. Wouldn't the school just be better off giving vacation instead of this glorified daycare? Many in the parent body say yes. (Of course, that demographic happens to be the same demographic that is taking their kids out of school to go on vacation anyhow, but whatever.)

Michael's last point is one I hear a lot from parents in the community. It is the fact that parents are sending mixed messages to their children by sending them to Ultra-Orthodox Yeshivas, and then jetting off to places where the ambiance is not exactly... one that their children's Rosh Yeshiva would feel comfortable in. Now, my attitude on subjects such as this is generally nonjudgemental. The choices I make for myself do not have to be the choices another parent would make, and vice versa. Live and let live. That said, let me try to put this in a way that I hope would be understood as not preaching, but rather observing. The fact that parents choose to live a certain lifestyle when at home, and wear certain types of clothing, and identify with a certain community, and then drop much of those lifestyle accoutrements when they go on vacation leaves me (and likely their children) confused.

I am aware of a group in my neigborhood that regularly vacations in the same popular vacation spot, even in the same hotel. Now, correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that defeat the purpose of a family vacation? To me, the prospect of picking up all of my neighbors and their screaming kids and taking them with me to a different locale is not a pleasant one. Not to mention the inappropriateness of couples who consider themselves quite observant (at home) hanging out at the pool or the beach together. Different strokes, I guess.

There. A long, rambling post, on the topic of Winter vacations. Any questions?