Parenting Goofs

Julie over at A Little Pregnant lets us all know about a parenting mistake she recently made that potentially put her child in danger:

I was at my parents' house with Charlie. I'd just put him down for his afternoon nap, and knew he would sleep for at least an hour. My father, just two short weeks after heart surgery, was napping as well. With my father in the house and Charlie down for the count, I figured it was safe to go out with my mother. It would make a much better story if I said we'd gone out to score some smack, or even for cocktails and a facial, but the fact is that we just went to the grocery store a half mile away.

When we pulled back into the driveway after our 45-minute absence, we both noticed at the same time that my father's car was gone. It could only mean one thing: that he'd called my sister-in-law, asked her to bring over a rear-facing car seat, awakened Charlie, strapped him safely into the center back seat of his vehicle, and gone for a slow, leisurely drive around the neighborhood, obeying all traffic laws and never once exceeding the posted speed limit.

Okay, I guess it could mean two things.

Once inside, I tore up the stairs in a panic, expecting to find Charlie sad, gone, ill, or dead. He was none of those things. He was sleeping peacefully with no sign of trouble,

My father later explained that when he woke and found us gone, he assumed Charlie was with us. And this was a reasonable conclusion to draw. But I don't think my assumption was that outrageous, either: I had no idea my father would even wake, much less leave. It didn't occur to me, or to my mother, who knows his habits well, that we needed to consider that.

This was an honest mistake. It could happen to anyone. Of course, had this happened to someone in Lakewood or Boro Park, someone with 7 kids under the age of 10, for example, people would likely not be as charitable as they were to Julie, as the mother of only one child. There's always that disdain for parents of many children. How often have I overheard someome say about a particularly ill-behaved child who happens to have many siblings: "That's what happens when you have so many children! Who can give the child the attention he needs? It's a perfect recipe for behavioral problems!" Or the tragic circumstances of a father in Lakewood who mistakenly left his infant in the car over the course of a day, with a fatal outcome. I remember the neighbors, many non-Orthodox, being interviewed on television, and I recall them opining that the reason that this happened was because the family, while "nice people" just had "too many children to manage". It's easy to blame parenting mistakes on the "evils" of having too many children. Many of my coworkers are happy to give their (unsolicited) opinion that they think I should "stop" at four kids, as they don't think having more is "healthy" (they mean both physically and mentally, I presume).

So what I am about to admit may come as a shock to those who believe that parenting mistakes are the domain of mostly harried, struggling, Orthodox parents of too many children, who should have been on birth control 4 kids ago:

I have made similar mistakes too. There was the time that both OrthoDad and I though the other had taken child #2 out into the car in the car seat, only to realize after a few blocks of dead quiet that the said child was still home, in the middle of the living room floor, happily strapped into said car seat, gurgling at a toy, blissfully unaware that harried, struggling, Orthodox parents of only 2 children could have been so irresponsible. I have heard many similar stories from friends, all of which thankfully turned out as well as Julie's and mine, thank God.

Parents, like every other human on the planet, make mistakes. You hope they are small ones, and that they turn out okay for the child. Sometimes, they do not, and the circumstances are tragic. But mistakes can happen to anyone. Parents of 10 children, parents of two. Orthodox Jewish parents, and secular or non-Jewish parents.

So I'd like to end this in the same vein as Julie's post, which she ended like this (and don't forget to check out her comments thread for many parents commiserating on similar goofs):

I said at the beginning of this that every parent sooner or later makes a big mistake that could compromise a child's safety. My evidence for this belief is, I admit, anecdotal. I ask you, parents and those who have cared for a child in other capacities, am I right? Tell me. From letting the baby roll around on the bed and then hearing that sickening clonk on down, don't we all pull a boner sometime?

Uh, please feel free to post anonymously.

Ditto. Love to hear your stories of mistakes that turned out okay. We could all learn from each others mistakes. Trust me, after hearing Julie's story, if I ever leave the baby sleeping in the house with OrthoDad, you can bet I'm going to wake him up to tell him before I leave.

Related: My post on drive-by parenting