Words from the Agudah Convention

In my perusal of this article that serves as a round-up of last weekend's Agudah convention, I found something that was said during one of the sessions that I both agreed and disagreed with. From an address given by Dayan Aharon Dovid Dunner of London:

To deflect the spiritual dangers in our own culture, we must erect a solid barrier of kedushoh — an effort, the Dayan declared, that best begins at our own Shabbos tables, where opportunities for imparting important spiritual lessons and values to our children abound.

I couldn't agree more. How many times have I cringed when a guest brought up a topic that is completely inappropriate for the Shabbos table, like the latest movie he wanted to see, or the latest business deal she was making. I have always felt that Shabbos is the most special time of the week, the only time when all the outside concerns of business and pop culture and materialistic pursuits come to a screeching halt. When I wave my hands three times over the candles to usher Shabbos in, I know that I have hour upon delicious hour stretching ahead of me, to be spent with my children, with none of the phone calls, e-mails, or other distractions that plague us during our weeknight dinners. Dayan Dunner's advice resonates so deeply with me, as using our Shabbos meals as an opportunity to connect with our children's spiritual needs has always been a goal of mine and my husband's.

I didn't however, like the direction Rabbi Dunner's advice then took:

Dayan Dunner suggested that heads of household take control of the Shabbos meal in much the same way a CEO controls a company meeting — with careful planning.

"Schedule every moment of the Shabbos meal," the speaker recommended. "Don't be embarrassed to write it all down — a maasehele at 12 o'clock, a joke at a quarter past. Leave nothing to chance."

I can't agree. As much as I understand that Rabbi Dunner is trying to prevent the accidental introduction of inappropriate topics that can take away from the kedusha of the Shabbos table, scripting the meal is not the answer. Children are not an audience at a play. They are part of the play. Their participation is essential to a beautiful spiritual experience, and treating them as spectators only takes away from the spontanaeity that makes life with children so rewarding. So I will heed the first part of Rabbi Dunner's advice - and continue to try to abolish anything in our discussion at the Shabbos table that is not related to Shabbos. I will try to guide my children toward the type of discussions most befitting the holiness of the day. But please, excuse me if I ignore the second part of Rabbi Dunner's advice. I will not schedule those conversations like the minutes of a meeting, complete with scripted jokes written in. That would be more befitting a conference table than a Shabbos table.

And I certainly spend more than enough of my time time sitting at a conference table at work.

Update: How could I forget the hat tip? Thanks, Krum.