Marriage Advice to Ignore

I often find myself having to rein in my cynicism when reading some of the tripe that's passed off as life advice in many of the publications out there - both Jewish and secular. Most of the "Top Twenty Tips For A Happy Marriage!" and "Ten Ways To Trick Your Husband Into Treating You Like A Queen!" -type lists are, in my humble opinion, often nothing but a waste of time. But this particular gem, from a bonus supplement to the Charedi publication Hamodia (Self-proclaimed as "The Newspaper of Torah Jewry"), was particularly special. From an article titled "Blueprint for a Happy Marriage":

If you find yourself irritable and jumpy when you are with your life partner, see if you can unwind before you are together. Try drinking something that soothes you or going for a brisk walk. These and other strategies might blow off the steam so that you don't take out your frustrations on your spouse.

Um...is Rabbi Moshe Meir Weiss advocating the throwing back of a good stiff drink as a technique for calming down enough to treat your spouse properly? Why stop there? Hey, if you have a bad day - consider popping some valium on the train ride home so that you don't take your anger out on your wife. But seriously. There must be some other, more appropriate exercises to follow other than turning to the bottle that can help ease tension between married couples. Like, for example, marriage counseling? I would hardly think that introducing an addictive substance into a troubled marriage is the solution.

Another point Rabbi Weiss makes that I think can potentially be misunderstood:

You should defend and uphold your spouse proudly and staunchly. It is a heinous breach of the marriage contract to cause your spouse embarrassment in front of others. Another aspect of loyalty is not violating the privacy of your relationship. Don't share with your relatives or friends the private details of your marriage.

I understand the point the author is trying to make here, however, there is a lot of room for misinterpretation in a statement such as this one. Obviously truly intimate details should be discussed with great discretion, but a blanket statement does not qualify what should and should not be discussed. For example, an exhortation like this one might cause a young newly married woman to hold back from discussing such serious matters as verbal or physical abuse at the hands of her spouse, or prevent a young couple from asking for financial help during hard times, for fear of causing the providing spouse embarrassment. Or, for an example that is even more relevant to this discussion, it might prevent someone from asking whether it is normal for his/her spouse to need to take a few hits of vodka before initiating conversation. Which, in my opinion, it is not.