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Wednesday, December 21, 2005

"Nanny Park"

Krum put up a post about a speech that was given by a "certain outspoken neighborhood Rabbi". Apparently, the Rabbi:
..recently blasted families in our community who rely too heavily on nannies to raise their children. He referred to the local park filled on a daily basis with hordes of foreign born nannies and their Jewish employers' children as Nanny Park.
Far be it from my place to join in this criticism. As a working mother, there are certainly times when my nanny can be found in the park with my youngest. I wish I could say that my job is not a necessity for my family - it is. I dream of the day when paying tuition, car payments, and my mortgage can be swung on just one salary - OrthoDad's. That day has not yet come. That being said, I do everything in my power to be there to send the kids off on the bus, and am just about always there for them when they get home. I actually took a pay cut a few years back to have more flexible hours so that I could be home more often with the kids. And the days that I am home, I don't go anywhere without my baby. I try my best.

I do agree wholeheartedly, though, with Krum's take on the Rabbi's words:
Orthodox mothers with multiple children often have no choice but to work. Tuition and housing in Orthodox communities are expensive and a single salary is often insufficient. So hiring a babysitter may be a necessity. But the problem is the institution is abused. Once hired, parents too often feel freed from simple parental responsibilities such as tucking their children into bed. In this vein, the rabbi suggested skipping the chupa, the annual dinner, the parlor meeting rather than leaving parenting to the nanny.
I go nowhere in the evenings. I miss every chuppah, and get there when I get there. I miss every parlor meeting, and send a check with my regrets. In my community, the parlor meetings come fast and furious. And while I commend the good people of the Five Towns for being so focused on Tzedakah, I don't feel I can leave my children before bedtime to "show my face" at a friends house. That is why it is so heartening to hear the Rabbi's words, which mesh with my own actions. OrthoDad has said more than once that he thinks that a local Rav should get up and ban couples with young children from going to parlor meetings. Some may say that such a strong move is unecessary, that people should be in possession of enough of their own common sense to figure that out for themselves. But it isn't so simple. When every week, another young couple who I count among my friends is giving up their home for an evening to raise money for a good cause, it's hard to be the one to say no. And I am fully aware that if all of these couples were to stop feeling obligated to attend such events, it would be harder to raise money for these worthy charities. But at what expense are the parents in our community opening their hearts and their checkbooks to these charitable institutions? At our children's expense?

I'm afraid I just can't do it.

61 Comments:

Anonymous shanna said...

Good on you - you're doing the right thing. Chazak, chazak, v'nitchazek (and all that jazz).

9:50 AM  
Blogger orthomom said...

Thanks, babe!

9:59 AM  
Anonymous Essie said...

Good for you! Not everyone posseses such common sense. But rabbinical bans are not exactly the answer, IMHO. How about parenting classes?

10:16 AM  
Blogger Jameel @ The Muqata said...

I'm sure our-newly-frummed-out-friend, DovBear will say its assur to sends kids off with a nanny (though I didn't find any reference to it in the Igrot Moshe).

In any event - the more time you can spend with your kids in the evening, the better.

(and I'm hoping for the day, when Mrs. Muqata won't have to work at all either)

10:26 AM  
Blogger gabe said...

I couldn't agree with you more. My wife is a stay at home mom, sans nanny, and we still miss every Chupah. If it is a close relative or very close friend, one of us will go while the other will show up later.,I can count on one hand the amount of times we've gone to a simchah together unless the kids were with us in the last 5 years. As for parlor meetings, I show up at the end of the night when they're cleaning up, the purpose was my check, not my presence

10:31 AM  
Blogger Just Passing Through said...

The biggest indicator of a problem is when a child begins to learn spanish before English...lol

10:53 AM  
Blogger gabe said...

que?

12:01 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I just watched some little kid get picked up from school by a clearly non-parental custodian who then kissed him repeatedly. I hope biological mom enjoys her new leased SUV while that stranger takes over the role of parent.

1:19 PM  
Anonymous SIM said...

The saddest comment I heard was from a friend who never gets home from work before 7, her husband gets home later and works on Sunday, and they both serve on the board at our shul. When telling me about Shabbat and the one day they all get to be together she wasvery proud that her children 'are well trained and don't bother us for at least 2 hours so we can nap'.
Perhaps her children are not well trained, perhaps they are not sure what they would need their parents for.

2:54 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

An interesting topic. I have to send my 7 month old son to daycare, albeit not for overwhelming hours, but it pains me. Like some bloggers have pointed out, in today's Orthodox communities it's often hard to get by on one income umless it's a very large income. Tuition, housing...it's all expensive. A solution is not readily apparent.

3:18 PM  
Anonymous charliehall said...

Perhaps if Jews were willing to live in places with less expensive housing and lower real estate taxes it might be possible to pay yeshiva tuition with one income.

Oops, I forgot. We are not permitted to rely on miracles.

3:19 PM  
Blogger AnonyOne said...

Charlie, wherever Jews live, the housing prices go up. Didn't you know that? And tuition will go up no matter what.

3:43 PM  
Blogger AnonyOne said...

Not to say that I agree with nannies...I don't have one.

3:43 PM  
Blogger Jameel @ The Muqata said...

Charlie - I agree with you 100%. Here in Israel, housing is alot cheaper, and education is affordable.

Granted, you don't get an SUV or Lexus to zip around in (unless you get lucky ;-) and there aren't any $1000 strollers...

Then again, my wife still works (luckily from home), and we're still hoping she won't have to work at some point.

3:45 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Where can Jews go that is less expensive. The entire New York metropolitan area is insane.

3:49 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Although I agree that there are families who take advantage of having a nanny, and relegate a large portion of the childrearing to that person, I'm very uncomfortable with the idea that parents, and mothers especially, need to be tied to their children without any break or relief. I am a SAHM, living outside the NY metropolitian area, with 2 young kids. I don't have any regular help, and my husband works really long hours. I do wish at times that I could have another set of hands during the day, so that I could grocery shop alone, or run multiple errands all at once. I think that parenting is very hard, and it if a family can afford help, then kol hakavod.

None of us are in the shoes of another family, so cannot know what their situation truly is.

3:55 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I guess the Rabbi who made these comments has it very easy and his wife does not have to go to work or have a need for a nanny. I am sure the Shul pays for everything.

4:03 PM  
Blogger Ezzie said...

Oooo, I agree with Charlie! Move out of New Yuck! :)

Great post, OM.

4:34 PM  
Blogger Mar Gavriel said...

I am a SAHM

Surely you mean to say "SAHM I am."

5:01 PM  
Blogger Still Wonderin' said...

Brilliant statement#1: "None of us are in the shoes of another family, so cannot know what their situation truly is.

Brilliant statement#2: "I guess the Rabbi who made these comments has it very easy and his wife does not have to go to work or have a need for a nanny. I am sure the Shul pays for everything."

Most everyone else here seems to think they have all the answers. Well, you don't.

5:05 PM  
Blogger Still Wonderin' said...

Most Moronic and Offensively Misguided Generalization: I hope biological mom enjoys her new leased SUV while that stranger takes over the role of parent.

5:08 PM  
Anonymous Fox said...

I think we can all agree with the idea that parents rather than nannies should rear children. That still leaves a lot of room for individual circumstances, temperments, and situations.

However, I do get a bit bent out of shape by the constantly contradictory messages parents are sent. Rabbonim in my city have spoken about the need for parent involvement and then attempted to cajole me to attend "their" organization's affair because it's so "important to the community."

Likewise, Rabbi Berel Wein stirred up a bit of a flap in Chicago a number of years ago when he criticized mothers for leaving their children to go to work *and* praised women who support their husbands in kollel -- both in the same speech! He was called on it by audience members and laughingly admitted that he had unfairly put Jewish women in a no-win situation.

This, I think, is the real problem. We can dicker endlessly about nannies, maids, and how much help is too much. But the bottom line is that we're demanding Jewish women be everything to everyone. Living as a frum Jew on a single income is a joke -- no matter where you live -- unless that income happens to be in the top 5 percent of U.S. salaries. So women are expected to have flexible, high-paying jobs, be attending and devoted mothers, accomplished balabustas, models of chesed and community service, and help with homework at night . . .

So, no, delegating child-rearing to nannies isn't right, but insinutating that "nanny parks" are caused by spoiled princesses farming out their children is setting up a straw man, and an insulting one at that. I'd have a lot more respect for a rav who stood up and spoke about the excessive and often contradictory demands being placed on Jewish women today.

9:38 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Fox...Do we see how hypocritical some of these Rabbonim are? In some instances they expect to be supported and bite the hand that feeds them at the same time.

10:30 PM  
Anonymous Fox said...

I didn't really mean to lash out at communal leaders. I genuinely feel that the worst offenders are individuals who are simply incapable of seeing the "big picture" rather than cloying hypocrites.

However, I do wish that more people in leadership roles spoke with empathy about the problems and hard choices families face rather than constantly telling us what a bad job we're all doing. Personally, I would be more inspired to be told that "Every generation has different nisyonos, and we don't always know the answers. Just keep davening and doing your best" than by being fed the endless litany of "you shoulds" that sometimes seems to emanate from every speaker, article, and book.

11:23 PM  
Blogger ClooJew said...

Whether or not it's necessary, the result of children being raised by nannies rather than moms can't, lulei demistafina, be a good thing.

It used to be that Daddy could be the breadwinner and Mommy could stay at home. Of course that was when it was socially acceptable to live in an apartment your whole life (Sorry fellow Manhattanites, but outside of our beloved island you must own a house) and to have smaller families.

Of course, tuition and health care were cheaper then too. And today's necessities were yesterday's luxuries. Add it all up and families simply need at least 150K to break even.

My solution is that men should only enter professions where they can make close to 200K a year. Done!

Seriously, though, if a person wants only his wife to take care of the kids, he has to look only at those professions--e.g., dentistry, investment banking--that can support a large, Orthodox family.

On another note, to say, as anonymous does above, that rabbanim "expect to be supported," is a sideswipe--as if the rabbanim in our communities aren't really working. It's an affront to the concept of rabbanus. Keep it up and I'll sic RenReb on ya (Oh wait; I can't. You're "anonymous").

11:48 PM  
Blogger Mirty said...

This is problem affecting many families, not just Orthodox Jewish ones. I'm surprised that none of the commentors mentioned what used to be the solution in many of these cases - the extended family.

Grandparents were around to help look after kids. Older cousins would babysit. If the wife had to work outside the home, often family filled in as needed. This way the kids were brought up by family, even if their own mother was not there as often as one would hope.

12:48 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I imagine the Rabbi was refering to those families in the top 5% of wage earners where the kids are raised by nannies while the mothers lunch and shop.

2:02 AM  
Anonymous jerusalemom said...

Jameel-
No $1000 strollers? Do you not ever leave your yishuv for the big city (either J-m or TA)? Bugaboos are becoming just as prevalent here as they are in the US. The miracle of Israeli credit...

2:18 AM  
Blogger Jameel @ The Muqata said...

jerusalemom: I'm in Jlem now as I type...then again, I'm in an office building so I don't really see the Bugaboos.

Besides, come January, overdrafting is going to start decreasing. I wonder what impact that will have on the economy.

Hey, and what's the problem moving to a yishuv? Nothing wrong with not having a $1000 stroller...and you don't have to live in a caravan/trailer either.

3:32 AM  
Blogger my bald sheitel said...

What is the alternative to nannies/babysitters? What are you supposed to do with your kids if you don't have relatives nearby to help you?

I am sure that some people are fine with taking handouts, and just learn full-time and have a wife who stays home. Easy to be on a high-horse while taking funds from every Jewish institution and the federal and state goverments.

6:32 AM  
Blogger Pragmatician said...

Good for you, if you don't have a choice but to let someone take care of your children for you, than at least the evenings and week-ends should belong to the kids.
I don’t know if anyone noticed but there’s a worrying trend by non working moms to hire babysitters regularly to have some quiet time for themselves.

7:33 AM  
Blogger westbankmama said...

The mommy war raises its ugly head again. Everyone has their own take on the situation, but I think that the proof is in the pudding. Let's see what choices our kids make for themselves, when they grow up. Until then, noone has the definitive answer.

8:02 AM  
Blogger Ayelet said...

Mirty: I wish! Unfortunately, both sets of my kids' grandparents work full-time for a living as well and retirement does not seem feasible in the near future. I imagine this is the case in many instances, especially where grandparents are helping parents out financially.

8:02 AM  
Anonymous orthodoc said...

cloojew--where do you live that 200k is a lot of money? I pay about 15k per kid in day-school tuition. Don't even ask what day camp costs. And, of course, the schools are doing me a tremendous favor by letting my kids into their building.

8:40 AM  
Blogger Jameel @ The Muqata said...

Orthodoc: Well, I pay 6K combined for tuition in Israel for ALL my kids. (next year will be 9 with 2 in jr-high)

200K a year would be nice here, though.

10:27 AM  
Blogger MUST Gum Addict said...

Like just about everything else in life, there's no definitive answer. Everyone has their own internal struggles and spend their life trying to sort it all out. I know people who have all the money they need, and they have their 2 or 3 nannies and yet there are certain things they won't let their nannies do -- like help the kids with homework, take them or pick them up for the bus, or eat dinner with them. Then again, I know people who, on a whim, take off for vacation for a few days and leave their kids (some as young as a year old) at home with the nanny alone.

From a personal standpoint though, why would I want to pay someone else my own hard-earned money to get the joy out of spending time with my own kids? I'm not talking about a babysitter for an evening here or there, but day in and day out, I need that to get through my own tough days. After a long day of work, nothing relieves the tension like a great game of Madden '06 with my son. Or building a lego house with my daughter. Then again, maybe I'm crazy.

11:00 AM  
Blogger MUST Gum Addict said...

I guess the Rabbi who made these comments has it very easy and his wife does not have to go to work or have a need for a nanny. I am sure the Shul pays for everything.

A silly comment to make indeed -- just because a Rav doesn't experience a particular issue himself, that doesn't mean that he can't talk about it in shul. Taken in another context, would you make a statement that a Rav who speaks about enforcing tznius has it easy with his family as well? Because the shul pays for his clothes? And besides, isn't it the job of a responsible shul (and community) to see to it that their Rav is taken care of?

11:18 AM  
Blogger Courtney Love/Martha Stewart said...

Re: Anonymous at 1:19's comment: In 11th and 12th grade I had a job getting a 5 year-old child named Whitney ready for school and taking her to school. I often drove her home and babysat at other occasions. I loved her dearly. So how does a kid lose when she's loved by many people? Whitney's divorced mom worked long hours but spent quality time with her daughter daily. I was not a substitute for her mom but Whitney and I both benefitted greatly from our relationship.

It's also interesting that people commenting seem to only accept working moms as a necessary evil to help pay for tuition and camp. Like it or not, there are parents who do not have the disposition to be home with an infant or toddler all day. Most of their kids grow up to be healthy, functioning adults.

1:07 PM  
Anonymous SephardiLady said...

While it is true that some women work outside the home just to keep up, I woud wager a bet that even if tuition magically disappeared and housing costs became manageable tommorrow, that very few women would give their notice and leave their jobs.

Unfortunately, the frum world has absorbed many "feminist" values even though few would want to admit this is so. I have had kollel wives tell me that one cannot expect women in today's day and age to stay at home even if money was not an issue. Even though I am a homemaker and have passed on many opportunities because I will only work from my home, I sometimes have to remind myself that what I do is every bit as valuable as what any working parents does, both for our household and the community.

I personally think that the Rabbi will get nowhere criticizing women (in any tone) for their choice to go out and work. But, it is undeniable that children are suffering from their parents choices and well as from the realities of life.

I think a better approach would be to build up the woman who makes her family her primary concern. Tell young people that while you can pay someone to do just about any job, you cannot pay someone to raise your children, no matter what you pay them, simply because they do not have a long term interest in your children! Today companies offer their employees stock options to get them vested in the company and to work in the best interests of that company. No matter how much you pay a Nanny, you can't offer her stock in your family.

The community has spend a lot of time building up the learner. When we send our girls to school, their role models are Rebbitzens who have young children at home with a babysitter. Their work for the klal is deemed worthy and earns them public honor, yet the women who stays at home and raises her children herself with great sacrifice is forgotten and certainly is not honored publically.

I could go on for hours about this very subject, but I will stop after a small practical note. We must start teaching our children financial tzniut and and consumer restraint. We need to let more individuality to pervade our communities to take off some of the unnecessary financial pressure that people face. Our children need us more than they need European clothing, more than they need a nice Bar Mitzvah party, more than they need to spend every summer in camp, more than they need to go our for pizza every motzei Shabbat, etc.

1:14 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

There quite a few men earning over 200k a year with 4+ kids in Yeshiva that ask for tuition assistance. Where does it end?

1:39 PM  
Anonymous SephardiLady said...

Where does what end, anon?

1:53 PM  
Blogger MUST Gum Addict said...

Having lived "out of town" for several years, having my kids back in Yeshiva is a privelege. It's an expense as important as my mortgage, car payments, or anything else for that matter.

I think that the "where does it end" question was meant to say "how much does a man have to make in order to raise an orthodox family?" I don't know the answer to that questions, because obviously, I haven't gotten there yet. But HaShem gives us what we need, so obviously, if I haven't gotten it, I must not need it.

I'll admit I do get jealous when friends I know are able to give tremendous sums of money to tzedaka -- something I wish I could do, but maybe one day. For now, I pay my tuition, I have a warm house, I can afford to fill up my car's gas tank, and I even have meat in my chulent. Considering what others in the world have, you gotta be happy with that.

2:08 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Having a Nanny... approx.$300 per week.

Having to hear about it in Shul from your Rabbi...approx. $1000 a yr

Having meat in your chulent....Priceless!

2:57 PM  
Blogger Rivka said...

And again, we are stuck with the assumption that raising the kids is the mother's responsibliity. Where is the father's role in the Rabbi's comments? Why aren't fathers expected to cut back their hours? Does the Rabbi ever tell the men, "skip Minyan one day a week so you can daven at home and spend more time with your kids"? Somehow, I seriously doubt it.

5:55 PM  
Blogger MUST Gum Addict said...

I don't see how the Rabbi's comments exclude the men from any responsibility. A father has to be available for their kids just as much as a mother does. Admittidly, if a father works at a job where he's being told to stay late by his boss, that's one thing. But then again, women who hold those kinds of jobs have the same issue.

Oh, and skipping minyan, in my opinion, isn't an option. B"H we live in an area where there are minyanim from vasikin until 8ish. If my wife needs me home, I can daven earlier or change my schedule.

If a husband is using his work to get around being home or available for his family, there are far worse issues at hand...

6:23 PM  
Anonymous SephardiLady said...

While I have no interest in being a (pregnant) breadwinner while my husband stays home to raise the children, I think that this may be a fine option for some families to explore.

7:21 PM  
Anonymous SephardiLady said...

And, rivka, I'm sure that if the park was filled with fathers and their children during the week, rather than non-Jewish nannies and Jewish children, I'm sure the Rabbi would not have spoken out because there would not be anything to speak out about.

7:24 PM  
Blogger Rivka said...

I'm glad you're sure that he wouldn't have spoken out--but I'm wondering if he would have spoken out about the fathers being in the park, rather than at kollel or davening.

It's typical of society in general to assume that if the father is spending time away from the kids, it's because the time away is necessary for his career, his health, etc. But if the mother is away, it's because "they need that $1,000 stroller." Somehow, her time away from her family has to spent doing something more "worthy" than her husband.

Social functions, for instance--as a SAHM, I can say that sometimes I NEED to go to social functions just to feel like a functioning adult in society. My husband goes to work everyday and has "adult conversation" with his co-workers. Well, I need time to talk to other moms, my co-workers, WITHOUT the kids. Thank God he gets that, or I'd go nuts. If we can get a babysitter, and turn it into an evening date, then so much the better. A married couple needs time away from the kids to re-connect.

If anyone at a social function implied that instead of being there, I should be home with my kids, I'd let that person have it.

What's a "parlor meeting," by the way? Is this a NY thing?

8:55 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Rivka...."Parlor meetings" are functions conducted in someone's home to raise money for a Yeshiva or some Tzedakah...usually attended by men only. At least in the NYC area.

9:42 PM  
Anonymous SephardiLady said...

Rivka, I am a homemaker (or SAHM if you please) also. I go out for a once weekly shiur and I also get out on occassion for social events all by myself. But, women getting out from time to time is NOT the subject that the Rabbi was addressing.

What the Rabbi is addressing is the fact that there are very young children in our communities (might I dare say even the majority of children in our communities) who live in households where both parents are gone at the same time for 8-10 hours a day, if not more, as some of the mothers (unlike Orthomom) feel the need to do klal work in addition to the work they do for pay.

Let's be clear. The Rabbi is not addressing a woman finding some space to be by attending a shiur, going out on a date with her husband, or going to the gym for a short time. The Rabbi is addressing the very fact that many of our children are being raised by help, rather than their parents, especially their mother.

I commend the Rabbi for speaking up. In the meantime, I should learn Spanish because I am one of the only English speaking women in my local park.

10:03 PM  
Blogger orthomom said...

as some of the mothers (unlike Orthomom) feel the need to do klal work in addition to the work they do for pay.

I actually do volunteer for plenty of chasadim in my neighborhood. I cook dinner regularly for familes who are in need, due to illness of lack of means, for example. I just only volunteer for things that don't take away from my kids' time. I can cook dinner for another family while my kids are in school or when they are already asleep the night before. I can take them all in the car with me to deliver it (which is a great lesson, btw!) without leaving them behind. My point is only that parents should not feel the need to go to event after event - even for the best of causes - when their children end up suffering because of the lack of attention. I don't think that Tzedakah requires you to sacrifice the emotional well-being of your children.

11:46 PM  
Anonymous SephardiLady said...

I certainly never had cooking meals for those in need in mind. In fact, cooking a meal and getting having your children help is a great way to spend time together as a family, while doing a huge mitzvah for someone else.

I was referring to the endless banquets and parlor meetings, as well as the overinvolvement of certain parents in shul committees, when I said "as some of the mothers (unlike Orthomom) feel the need to do klal work in addition to the work they do for pay."

I appreciate the fact that there are so many people in our communities that want to give of their time. But, when I see mothers with 5-6 children all under the age of 9, heading up committees after working fulltime during the day, I can't help but think that they should take a break from these things for a time.

12:31 AM  
Blogger MUST Gum Addict said...

so true SL... "everything in moderation" -- applies to more than just drinking you know :)

10:59 AM  
Anonymous Fox said...

It all goes back to Koheles -- there is a time for everything. When you try to take things out of their proper time, it's often very difficult or problematic.

I give rides to elderly members of our community as part of our local Bikur Cholim, and one of the ladies recently told me how guilty she feels when she can sense the stress of young mothers who are attempting to do this mitzvah while managing toddlers in carseats, snowsuits, etc. I told her that I had specifically waited to become involved in this particular activity until my children were all in school. She thanked me, and she said something that I think is very true: "You can't do every mitzvah in the Torah in one day."

Thank G-d, most of us live long enough to have many productive years after our children are no longer young. Those are the years during which we should be running to parlor meetings, melave malkas, and doing the kind of chesed work that takes us out at night. Particularly as we baby boomers age, we probably need to be reminded that "retirement" doesn't mean retirement from the community or from active participation in the lives of our families and the klal.

1:20 PM  
Anonymous SephardiLady said...

Chessed starts at home.

8:12 PM  
Blogger Balabusta in Blue Jeans said...

Sometimes I read these discussions, and I want to cry.

I want to have kids. It won't be a large family, I think two will probably be the limit.

I teach school. The kids' future dad does clerical work, although he is beginning to think about training for something more challenging and better paid.

I will be going back to work as soon as possible after giving birth, because otherwise we won't pay the rent. Simple. If I can find a cheap, fantastic babysitter, he or she will get the job, but probably like most of my friends, it will be daycare. And it will COST us.

Being a teacher is great, of course, because if you manage your time viciously, you can leave fairly early most days. One of my colleagues, for example, is able to pick up his children after their school is over, because he takes all his work home.

I don't see this as a horrible thing. My friend's children all seem A-OK little people. But it is the way things are. And then one of these conversations gets going--Jewish or not, doesn't seem to matter--and I shrivel with frustration and envy.

Apparently I'm selfish, and don't love my (future) kids enough. If I loved them, I would figure out a way to exist on a single lower-middle-class salary. It would do the kids good to have the lights turned off every couple of months.

Apparently I've absorbed feminist ideas. (Because women never worked outside the home before FEMINISM. Except for poor women. And women raising children by themselves. And women whose husbands were learning. And, oh, a whole bunch of other women.) Also, I am actually a feminist. So are my at-home mom friends.

And apparently I will just work because I want a $1,000 stroller and an SUV. Sorry. I will never have either of these, as far as I can predict. All vehicles will be secondhand, and on the verge of rusting through, and the stroller will probably be third-hand from the shul's Chanukah bazaar.

I'm jealous, honestly, of women who are able to stay home with their kids. I realize it's challenging, but it sounds like a wonderful thing to do. But it's not an option for me, so I don't think about it too much. It would also be wonderful to write big checks to tzedakeh all the time, or be able to fly all over the world, but I can't afford it, and I don't let that make me miserable.

But sometimes, when I hear all the moms who work, who have to pay someone else take care of the baby, condemned as people who just want pricy high-status STUFF, I wonder what planet they are on. I work for a living. So does my mother, and so did my grandmothers. This is life. I have a very good one, compared to most women in the world. But I have some limited choices, and staying home to raise babies is probably not an option I will ever have.

3:04 PM  
Blogger orthomom said...

But sometimes, when I hear all the moms who work, who have to pay someone else take care of the baby, condemned as people who just want pricy high-status STUFF, I wonder what planet they are on.

Balabusta, it seems like we live on the same planet. :)

7:11 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

BOTTOM LINE: IF FEITMAN DOESNT LIKE THE WAY WE LIVE IN CEDARHURST HE SHOULD GO BACK TO CLEVELAND.

LIVING IN THE 5T'S IS ONLY EXPENSIVE FOR THOSE WHO SHOULDNT BE THERE IN THE FIRST PLACE. DONT GO TO PRIME GRILL IF U CAN BARELY AFFORD KOSHER DELIGHT. IF YOU DONT HAVE THE BUCKS, MOVE TO BERGENFIELD...!!!

2:44 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

BOTTOM LINE: IF FEITMAN DOESNT LIKE THE WAY WE LIVE IN CEDARHURST HE SHOULD GO BACK TO CLEVELAND.


I say Amen to this Anon!!

10:36 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

whoa--nasty!!!!

4:21 PM  
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8:25 PM  

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