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Wednesday, December 20, 2006

Piling On

I hate to do this again.

Really I do.

The last thing I felt like doing today was go after the Agudah, yet again. But their spokesman Avi Shafran leaves me no choice. Hot on the tail of his disgraceful silence on an urgent and extremely relevant issue that is of utmost importance to (presumedly) every parent in his constituency, he chooses to comment on a topic that, in my opinion, is arguably a good bit less pressing than the topic of child molesters being given safe harbor in our children's schools. See for yourself:

A recent addition to the sometimes bizarre Jewish blogosphere is pilagesh.blogspot.com, which is devoted to legitimizing and advocating halachically sanctioned concubines, known as a pilagesh, who satisfies an observant man’s sexual needs when his wife is not available.

...Rabbi Avi Shafran, spokesman for Agudath Israel of America, suggests a better use for the blogger’s time.

“He should call Agudah’s volunteer services department and we’ll help him get a life,” said the rabbi. While conceding that the practice is not a sin, Rabbi Shafran said “many things are permitted but not engaged in. This is not anything that is normative in the Jewish world. The definition of a marriage is between a man and one wife, like the first man and his wife.” He was referring to Adam and Eve.

So Rabbi Shafran felt the need to comment on whether the use of a pilegesh is a sin. He chose to opine on whether the action is "normative" or not. His choice to offer up his take on an issue that is so completely off the radar of just about everyone in his community is plain shocking in the wake of the sickening crimes alleged to have been perpetuated against our children by those in a position of trust.

So as you might see, Rabbi Shafran left me no choice.


Blogger MoChassid said...

I thought you'd be posting on the GG letter that's going around.

4:18 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Adam didn't have a choice.

4:35 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Isn’t Agudah all about commitment to halacha? If he acknowledges that pilegesh is not prohibited, why is Agudah involved in ensuring people engage in normative behavior? Further, its odd that he states “The definition of a marriage is between a man and one wife, like the first man and his wife.” Adam only married one woman because there only was one woman. Certainly if one uses the examples of Chumash, the definition of a marriage is most definitely not between a man and one wife.

5:02 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

what's the GG letter?

5:03 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I agree. One thing the Agudah spokespeople have never been is political. They just don't seem to have their hand on the pulse of the community at large.

But I have noticed another trend that might explain Agudah's position a little better: In my daled amos, NO ONE talks or seems to know about Kolko, except for the very few. It's truly bizarre. I'll bring it up in conversation, and get blank looks. Perhaps in the five towns it's different.

Perhaps R' Shafran's attempt to blast the pilegesh movement is more about a concealed dig at the blogging community than about actual practice of this idea.

6:17 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

OMG, that blog is hysterical. I think he's just looking to get some, though, and make money in the process, with anonymous paypal accounts and all!!

6:51 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Typo! It's "pilegesh" not "pilagash" The Jewish Week got it wrong.

6:58 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"The Jewish Week got it wrong."

they always do

7:24 PM  
Blogger uberimma said...

Well--is it possible (I haven't read the whole article) that someone called him up and asked him about it and he answered the question? The way he's phrasing it doesn't sound like "speaking out"--it sounds more like heaving a sigh and answering a question.

That said, I really don't follow these issues. Just a thought.

8:56 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ridiculous. They (Agudah) take a blog that hardly has any interest at all and publicize it such that interest is now tenfold. Not to mention that the blog is hardly serious or frum (allows man seeking man!, photo of a guy in a "reform" tallis and kippah).

I think it is just a campaign against blogs in general. It's easy to take the most extreme and use it to vilify the rest. Just as if someone were to take the neturei karta (yemach shemom) and use their actions to vilify all Charedim.

9:45 PM  
Blogger and so it shall be... said...

"Ridiculous. They (Agudah) take a blog that hardly has any interest at all and publicize it such that interest is now tenfold. "

The agudah is in the vbusiness of plucking things out of obscurity. They've recusitated theunorthodoxjew.blogspot.com. Now, they want to ressurect the pilegesh issue.

The inmates are running the asylum

10:32 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Orthomom rocks!

10:37 PM  
Blogger Charlie Hall said...

I also had never heard of this blog. Sometimes, it is better to let sleeping dogs lie.

In any case, I think molesting children is also ussur.

1:08 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I don't get it - what's your beef with Rabbi Shafran? Do you like the blog? Do you think it's normative? What would you have liked him to say??

4:34 AM  
Blogger - Typo Lad said...

It looks like the blog is gone.

7:22 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

don't get it - what's your beef with Rabbi Shafran? Do you like the blog? Do you think it's normative? What would you have liked him to say??

I think thou missith the point.

Holy Shafran speaks mightly about the ills of pilegish (an apparently lawful, but inappropirate act) [it is sex out of marriage], but he refsues to address pedephlia at all, refuses even to condem the action without admitting that Agudah has unclean hands.

What a hypocrit he is.

7:46 AM  
Blogger orthomom said...

Mom in Israel said...

I don't get it - what's your beef with Rabbi Shafran? Do you like the blog? Do you think it's normative? What would you have liked him to say??

I couldn't care less what he chooses to say about Pilagshim. However, last week he refused to comment on the subject of molestation. He gave a terse statement claiming that the issue of molestation in Yeshivas is not worthy of a comment.

The fact that a few days later, he chooses to comment on a practice that can't possibly be more relevant to his constituency than the abuse of children is surprising.

8:35 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Orthomom, I hope you are enjoying your time in Eretz Yisrael.

Why didn't you link to the pilegesh site? I had to find it myself. Kinda funny.

As to the GG letter, it is a letter purported to be written by disinterested parties which realy is an attack upon the VAAD, takes GG's side 100% and adds nothing new to the mix, but, because it pretends to be evenhanded in a silly preamble paragraph, is mistakenly taken by some to be so even though the content of the letter makes clear it is not evenhanded. Following is the text of the letter (which, if I haven't made clear yet, I find to be silly and poorly disguised GG propoganda but am attaching it because people asked):

An Open Letter to the Vaad Harabanim of the Five Towns and Far Rockaway

The following letter is the result of the combined efforts of concerned
citizens of our community. The atmosphere surrounding the Gourmet Glatt
controversy has been volatile; because of this, we have chosen to leave
letter unsigned. However, the letter represents the view of a diverse
of individuals. Respectful comments and criticisms can be emailed to:

To the Esteemed Rabbanim of the Vaad:
After much contemplation, we have come together as a group of concerned
citizens, representing different outlooks but united in a desire for
fairness. We have no personal or monetary motivations in the matter of
Gourmet Glatt Emporium, and we seek to avoid rather than generate

The recent controversy concerning Gourmet Glatt has disturbed our
greatly. On the one hand, if a store is guilty of deception, consumers
the right to know. On the other hand, if a store is guilty only of an
inability to get along with a particular hechsher, the store has the
to acquire alternate supervision.
Rumors have swirled through a neighborhood whose constituents strive
mightily to avoid any tinge of lashon hara. And yet when livelihoods and

reputations are at stake, one must pursue justice.

In the spirit of the above, we respectfully ask the Vaad the following
questions concerning Gourmet Glatt:

The Vaad asserts that there were kashrus violations over an extended
of time. What were these violations? How do they differ from the
errors that occur at all certified establishments? (A label being
on a chicken package from Vineland to Empire, if this did indeed occur,
not cause for removal of a hechsher. This sort of error occurs all the
When a hechsher is removed, the previous certifier no longer vouches for
kashrus of the establishment. Yet when making the announcement of the
hechsher rescission in their shuls, some rabbanim also stated that the
recommends (or insists) that people not buy at Gourmet Glatt. How can
Vaad take a stand on the kashrus at Gourmet Glatt when it no longer
the hechsher? Moreover, most items in the store have their own
certification; some items, such as fruit, do not require a hechsher. Why
it that certain rabbanim announced that nothing at all should be bought
Gourmet Glatt? How does the Vaad have the right to declare an economic
boycott of a store? At minimum, the Vaad is an interested party (noge'a
badavar). Isn't it self-evident that an independent decision of a beis
is necessary in order to impose an economic sanction of this nature?
The Vaad is disturbed that another hechsher was invited in by Gourmet
However, the Vaad gave Gourmet Glatt's owners four months to sell the
or else the hechsher would be pulled. Are the owners required to wait
four months before seeking another hechsher? If they wish to remain in
business, don't they have the right to secure supervision that will be
The Vaad's hechsher was removed only after the second hechsher was
added. If
serious kashrus violations were involved, why did the Vaad act only
Rabbi Yehuda Kravitz added his certification? Did the food suddenly turn
kosher because of the presence of extra supervision?
The Vaad claims that Gourmet Glatt violated its contract by taking on
another hechsher. When one feels that a wrong has occurred, Jewish law
has a
procedure for adjudicating the matter. Did the Vaad invite the Gourmet
owners to a din Torah?
The Vaad wants a show of support from the community, and of course we
want a
strong, reliable Vaad. However, the Vaad's role is not to be the
arbiter of halachic issues or of community conduct. The Vaad has
tasks to fulfill. It keeps the eiruvin and the mikva'os, and it gives
hechsherim on most, but not all, of the stores. Nowhere does it say that
store must use the Vaad for a hechsher, and if the Vaad refuses to give
hechsher to an establishment, nowhere does it say that said
must close shop. Although we recognize that the Vaad's rabbanim have an
individual responsibility to provide spiritual guidance to their
congregants, by what stretch of the imagination can that guidance extend
a concerted effort to close a store?
How many of the Vaad rabbanim personally visited Gourmet Glatt to
Rabbi Kravitz's supervision of the store? A detailed walk-through of the

store by one of us indicates that the current hechsher is very strong.
the Kashrus Information Service, a Flatbush-based watchdog agency, has
the store a warm seal of approval. Gourmet Glatt continues to use the
meat sources that are accepted in mehadrin establishments, and the new
hechsher has even added some stringencies. For example, not-Jewish
no longer are permitted to bring not-kosher food into the store for
To those who have patronized Gourmet Glatt in the past but now have
to shop there, we ask the following: After Gourmet Glatt has been
to serve you for so many years, is it proper to suddenly boycott the
We ask you to look into your hearts for the proper answer.

We have written this letter not to undermine the good work that the Vaad

does, but rather in an effort to attain clarity in regards to a matter
we pray will merit a speedy, positive resolution. We pray for the peace
our community.

9:43 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

kol hakavod, orthomom, for citing just how out of touch with values the agunda has become--not simply out of touch with its membership community, but with what are important issues and what are truly nareshkeit

9:47 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

this GG letter has been going around for a few weeks already. Isn't there something new?

9:55 AM  
Blogger Gil Student said...

I don't think this criticism is fair.

Pilegesh is a very simple issue, so there's no reason not to comment on the issue. (Although I'm not so sure that the halakhic issues are as clear cut as he makes them seem, at least according to this quote.)

Sexual abuse in schools is much more complex and the potential damage he could do to individuals with a statement is much greater. Sometimes it is better to remain silent, especially when the potential good such a statement could do is greatly outweighed by the potential damage.

I'm not saying that you have to agree with his conclusion. But at last understand that he was not being flippant, even if his word-choice might make it appear that way.

10:22 AM  
Blogger thekvetcher said...

there is a special place in hell for you om. you do realize it. however, it is never too late to repent.

11:17 AM  
Blogger orthomom said...

I'm not saying that you have to agree with his conclusion. But at last understand that he was not being flippant, even if his word-choice might make it appear that way.

You feel he was not being flippant. I feel he is being flipant here, especially with his comment that the blogger needs to "get a life". My point is that if he were so careful in his comments on other topics, I would understand his silence on abuse. But he is not. He sees fit to comment on so many other issues, many of which are equally as complex. Why can't he just comment on abuse to show the disillusioned of his community that the Agudah takes it seriously. Or at least as seriously as the threat of pilagshim.

11:41 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

uberima is right. His comment was clearly in response to a call and not from an Aguda press release.

12:21 PM  
Blogger orthomom said...

Anonymous said...

uberima is right. His comment was clearly in response to a call and not from an Aguda press release.

He has received many requests for comment on eth abuse situation. He has decloned to comment.

12:24 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"He has received many requests for comment on eth abuse situation. He has decloned to comment. "

You may not agree with him, I may not agree with him, but he has commented. Does he need to comment every time someone sends him an email and everytime someones name is in the news?

A Matter Of Orthodox Abuse
Rabbi Avi Shafran
True or false?

1) Child abuse does not happen in the Orthodox Jewish community.

2) Child abuse is particularly prevalent there.

3) Halacha-observant living actually encourages child abuse.

4) The Orthodox community has not taken measures to prevent child abuse.

Answers: 1) false 2) false 3) false 4) false.

Abuse of children unquestionably exists in the Orthodox community. So, though, does fanciful speculation of its extent. Consider a recent long, lurid article about a child molestation lawsuit against an Orthodox rabbi.

(Full disclosure: An Agudath Israel-affiliated camp is named as a co-defendant in the lawsuit. The allegations include acts said to have been committed against two adolescent boys in the camp, where the alleged abuser was employed some 30 years ago. The other defendants in the lawsuit are Yeshiva & Mesivta Torah Temimah of Flatbush and the alleged abuser, Rabbi Yehuda Kolko.)

Robert Kolker, writing in New York magazine, cleverly and subtly sandwiched an admission of a dearth of statistical evidence about abuse in the Orthodox world between a sinister question and a damning speculation: “Is molestation more common in the Orthodox Jewish community than it is elsewhere? There are no reliable statistics … but there’s reason to believe the answer to that question might be yes.”

The “reason to believe” is based on speculation by Hella Winston, who has written about once-chasidic people who turned their backs on their communities. She recounts how “shocking” it was to hear how “so many boys [emphasis hers] have had this experience.”

Leave aside her unquestioning acceptance of her subjects’ claims. Focus only on the essential, glaring problem of drawing so sweeping a conclusion based on so slender and specialized a sample. Abuse, tragically, may well have been a factor in the trajectory of those disheartened Jews’ lives. And if it was, our hearts must ache with the anguish of the victims. But to consider their agonizing experience as somehow emblematic of chasidic life, much less broader Orthodox life is like deciding there must be a national tuberculosis epidemic after visiting a hospital and seeing “so many” patients there suffering with the disease.

Kolker then goes on to make an even more offensive and groundless speculation, safely qualified with the preface “There are some who believe.” What they believe, he reports, is that “the repression in the ultra-Orthodox community can foster abuse.” By “the repression” he means things like the strict forbiddance of sexual relations before marriage and the Jewish family purity laws that regulate when married couples may and may not engage in intimacy. The “few outlets for an Orthodox man with compulsions” create “a fertile environment for deviance.”

Here snideness slips toward slander, not only of Orthodox Jews but of Judaism itself. Larger society has ample “outlets” for sexual expression (including many Kolker doesn’t likely prescribe). Yet abuse there is hardly unknown. Might the lack of sexual discipline inherent in a culture of “anything goes” be a greater risk factor for abuse than the ethic of personal responsibility cultivated by Jewish law?

Permit me a counter-hypothesis: A Torah-observant life does not lead to aberrant behavior; it helps prevent it. “I created an evil inclination,” the Talmud quotes the Creator, “And I created the Torah as its antidote [literally: ‘seasoning’].”

That fundamental Jewish truth that human inclinations are harnessed and controlled by Torah-life and Torah-study is self-evident to anyone truly familiar with the Orthodox community. The vast majority of its members are caring and responsible people who lead exemplary lives, free in large measure from societal ills like rape, AIDS, prostitution and marital infidelity that affect their less “repressed” neighbors.

That shouldn’t surprise; halacha-observance stresses family, community, compassion for others, control of anger and passions, ethical ideals. To be sure, there will always be observant individuals who sometimes fail the test of self-control, even with horrendous impacts on the lives of innocents. But that no more indicts Jewish observance than the fact that there are corrupt police or drug-addled doctors renders law enforcement or medicine suspect.

Preparing this essay, I interviewed some of the most respected mental health professionals with experience in the Orthodox world. To a person, they believe (based on their experience; as above, there are no statistics) that the number of child abusers in the Orthodox world is, like that of practitioners of other types of aberrant behavior, below that of general society. Anyone who thinks there is “reason to believe” otherwise has not consulted professionals whose on-the-ground experience uniquely qualifies them to speak to the topic.

At the same time, though, just as bad cops and strung-out MDs must be rooted out, so must we address child abuse, whose victims, tragically, can be emotionally scarred for life. Even if the problem is less prevalent in Orthodox circles than elsewhere, abuse should be nonexistent in a community that believes in the sublime value of children, the momentousness of their upbringing and the consequence of the Torah’s laws to which abusive behavior is unambiguously antithetical.

Anyone who has shown a tendency toward abusive behavior has no business serving as a teacher, counselor or youth leader, and institutions must have procedures in place to ensure that they do not. And, while there is still much to do in this regard, the community can point with some degree of pride to important strides that have already been made.

Many Orthodox schools and summer camps have for years had in place clear policies and effective safeguards to help prevent abuse. Three years ago, the National Society of Hebrew Day Schools published and disseminated internal school guidelines for preventing and dealing with abuse, including reporting to civil authorities when appropriate. Sessions at its conventions focusing on the issue and featuring leading mental health professionals have been standing room only and lasted late into the night.

Special Jewish courts have been established in a number of Orthodox communities across the country to deal with abuse accusations (and have, in cases of proven guilt or admission of a crime, put suitable restrictions in place). A number of Orthodox mental health organizations and social service groups deal both with victims of child abuse and with abusers.

And contemporary rabbinical leaders have publicly spurred their followers to action on the issue. David Mandel, head of the Ohel Children’s Home and Family Services, which operates a sexual abuse prevention and treatment program, said, “The degree to which Torah leaders have spoken out [on abuse in the Orthodox community] has been remarkable.”

Has all that been enough? Nothing is, at least not until abuse is nonexistent in the community. Must more be done? Yes. And it will be.

As progress continues, though, we would do well to avoid the New York magazine mind trap. To imagine that what has defined traditional Jewish life for millennia is somehow a risk factor for abuse is to turn all logic and experience on their heads. The true risk factors, as mental health professionals attest, are things like absent parents, alcohol and drug abuse, lack of support systems and the touting of a Woody Allenesque “the heart wants what it wants” mindset, all considerably underrepresented in the Orthodox community. If any environment can reasonably be imagined to foster the bane of child abuse, it is the charged atmosphere of MTV, R-rated movies, contemporary advertising and uncontrolled Internet usage, not the universe of Jewish values. n

Rabbi Avi Shafran is director of public affairs at Agudath Israel of America.

Special To The Jewish Week

3:25 PM  
Blogger YMedad said...

OrthoMom is in EY?

Come in to visit the Begin Center.

6:56 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

OM - chill out. It appears he was called for a comment on this one - so he gave one.

On the other hand , you say "He gave a terse statement claiming that the issue of molestation in Yeshivas is not worthy of a comment. "

No, that's not what he said, and you know it. He was e-mailed about Kolko and he decided not to respond to that. You have a beef with him - fine - but be honest.

11:29 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

So as you might see, Rabbi Shafran left me no choice.

Parent: Why did you bite Chaim?

Child: Because he called me a name! He left me no choice!

We all have a choice OM. Always. Sometimes that choice is to practice restraint. You have a gift OM. But don't go to the dark side. We need balance in the blogosphere.

12:47 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...


Two Missing Climbers Still Sought; Body of Third Identified

3:38 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You miss the point people. Hypocrit Shafran has the time to make stupid comments about stupid topics, yet he cannot address (even with a general address) a topic of great concern to the community.


3:46 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Enough with the anonymous comments in support of an organization that supports child molesters. If you don't have the guts to post your name, maybe there's a reason for it. (Rivka)

7:39 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I fully support the Agudah

Ahmed Nasser

5:55 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dov bear made the best suggestion of a proper response from the Aguda (and, for that matter, from any organization faced with these sort of allegations):

1) Strongly condemn the alleged acts without qualification (after all, who is actually in favor of sexual abuse?)

2) Express sympathy and unqualified support for the victim, and

3) Remind everybody to withhold judgment about the accused until the investigation is complete and all the facts are in. After all, the "innocent until proven guilty" is a doctrine that protects all of us.

But the only way that #3 can be included with integrity is to insure that a thorough and serious investigation is made of the allegations, preferably by a disinterested outside party with the skills to conduct such inquiries in a competent manner.

Personally, I believe that this whole issue is more than a little bit of a moral panic, and that the fear of this is overblown with respect to the risk to our children. Unfortunately, the response of the the religious authorities doesn't does little to calm these fears, but rather makes everyone think that the worst is true. They seem to be so concerned about a possible loss of their prestige and authority that they're going to lose that prestige and authority.

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