Out-Of-Control Alcohol

Mayer Fertig writes a great editorial on a very timely topic (posted in full, because evidently the Jewish Star has not yet moved far enough into the 21st Century to link individual articles):

Baruch Hashem, it’s Purim again.

Is there a happier day on the calendar of yomim tovim than Purim? Even with all the hurrying around to deliver mishloach manot and the rush to get to the seudah on time, is there any day when it’s easier to be cheerful and in a good mood?
And that’s without alcohol.
People who carefully observe the mitzvah of imbibing what David Letterman likes to call “adult beverages” tend to be even happier, of course. And there’s nothing wrong with that.
But the key words are “adult beverages.”
On a Shabbat afternoon about two months ago a boy got so drunk at a bar mitzvah in this area that Hatzalah was called and he was taken to the hospital.
Some time thereafter a family member of the bar mitzvah was overheard discussing the fountains of flavored vodkas that had been available at the simcha. Available to everyone, apparently, including the underage guests.
Rabbi Elozer Kanner, one of the coordinators of Hatzalah, wouldn’t discuss the specifics of that case due to the strict confidentiality rules which Hatzalah observes. However, he was unmistakably clear about the threat to young people he believes is posed by unfettered access to alcohol even — especially — on Purim.
“I’m afraid that young adults and their parents are not aware that getting drunk is a life threatening event,” he said. “When a person is drunk often they cannot protect ... their airway and can die. And do die.” He continued, “There is a line, and it’s a very narrow line, between drinking a little bit, lightening up a little bit — ad d’lo yodah — and it’s very nice but when you step over the line ...”
He pointed out that there is a mitzvah to drink at the seuda, not all day. That there’s a difference between drinking wine and hard liquor. And that a young adult drinking moderately under the supervision of his parents is in a different, safer situation than one left to his own devices, literally spending the day of Purim getting drunk.
“Hatzalah treats people who are drunk as safek pikuach nefesh,” said Rabbi Kanner. “It’s like giving a child a loaded gun or like giving a car to a child who doesn’t know to drive. Alcohol can be a destructive weapon. And people die because of it.
And go to jail because of it, we would add. What difference is there between parents aiding and abetting teens in getting drunk at a party or doing the same on Purim?
Rabbi Yaakov Bender, Rosh HaYeshiva of Yeshiva Darchei Torah, sent us a copy of a letter he recently mailed to the parent body, seventh grade and up. “There is no drinking in our yeshiva and we do not serve alcohol,” he wrote. “Parents are expected to cooperate — allowing your son or any bochur to drink is illegal and you are liable if anything chas v’shalom happens to anyone you allow to drink.”
To David Mandel, the CEO of Ohel Children’s Home and Family Services, two other key words are “assuming responsibility.” “The story is that the story shouldn’t be decreased drinking on Purim,” but all year-round, he said.
It’s been suggested that there be alcohol-free simchas — weddings, bar mitzvahs and shalom zachors; that we have alcohol-free kiddushim. It may not always be practical to accomplish that at every simcha, at every venue.
“But what is practical is for baalei simcha to assume a supervisory role,” Mandel said. “Especially for underage children participating, so that not only are alcoholic beverages not served to them by the bartender, in plain sight, but that alcoholic beverages also are not available to them in a side room or in some other fashion.”
“Ad d’lo yodah” refers to not knowing the difference between Mordechai and Haman — but never to not knowing the difference between our child, or someone else’s child in our care, enjoying Purim in a safe and responsible way or putting their own or someone else’s life in danger.
No one could have intended for Simchat Purim to mean taking on that sort of risk.
A freilechen, and safe, Purim.

This is something that has always distressed me greatly. Last year, I had the Purim Seudah together with friends. Their teenaged son joined us towards the end, having spent the day with classmates, collecting money for their Yeshiva as is the custom on Purim. He spent much of his time at the meal in the bathroom, violently ill from his very evident overindulgence in alcohol. The parents were mortified that their son had obviously drank to such a degree, but didn't seem particularly shocked (it is possible they were shocked, I can't read their minds, but they didn't say anything to indicate that they were as incredulous as I was). The boy was sixteen. Why is this considered normal, or appropriate? Who in the world provided the alcohol to these children - and they most certainly are children, legally, mentally and emotionally. How many Bar Mitzvahs have I attended where the Bar Mitzvah and his friends have easy access to the copious alcohol that is served? Far too many. How many boys need to take the trip to the emergency room in an ambulance before people wake up?

I do give credit to Rabbi Yaakov Bender, of Yeshiva Darchei Torah who spelled out very clearly and in no uncertain terms that for parents allow their son or other minors to drink is illegal, and that those who do allow minors access to alcohol are completely liable for any outcome. That's a very important stance for a Yeshiva to take, and I can only hope that the parent body of that Yeshiva pays attention. I also hope that other Yeshivas have taken or will take a similar stance, and that this terrible problem which seems to receive nothing more than a wink and a nudge by many local parents is eradicated.

These are our children, people. They shouldn't be treated as expendable. And make no mistake, allowing them unfettered access to alcohol - especially in an unsupervised manner as occurs on Purim and at many Bar Mitzvahs - is treating them as expendable.