Bizarro Experience Today

I am still sort of reeling from a bizarre incident that happened to me earlier today.

I was in kind of a low mood today for various inconsequential reasons, so I decided to duck out of work to do a little clothes shopping for Pesach - I envisioned a nice relaxing hour or so spent in retail therapy. Alas, it was not to be.

I walked into a store that had a cute dress in the window and was immediately accosted by a superthin, superblonde, superperky, superpushy sales person, offering to help. Now, I absolutely loathe pushy sales staff. When approached with the dreaded "Anything I can help you with today?", I have pretty much mastered the cool, disinterested response of "No thanks, just looking". It usually works as an instant deterrent to overly pushy sales people. Not today. Five seconds after I had selected some cute items and ensconced myself in the fitting room, a disembodied hand which I assume belonged to annoying pushy bleached blonde saleswoman (hereafter APBBS) appeared from behind the curtain, with some sort of flimsy green chiffon sequined miniskirt dangling from it. "Isn't this just adorable?" came the voice that I can only assume was attached to the hand, attached to APBBS. "I have it here in your size!" My reply: "Um, thanks, but it's just not me." Not thirty seconds later, APBBS: "How about this one?" This time, some sleeveless ruffled concoction appears, attached to the floating hand. How annoying? I figure that if I tell APBBS that the clothes have to be longer and have sleeves, perhaps APBBS will stop bothering me and I can try on my selections in peace. So I peek my head out and quickly explain to APBBS that the clothes have to be more modest, so thanks for all the suggestions, but no thanks. Her eyes widen in recognition as I see it click in her brain that I am "one of those", and she scurries away, hopefully to leave me alone for a few minutes.

Yeah. Nice try. Next up, waving from behind the velvet curtain? Some frothy little pink suit with black lace trim. Not exactly my taste (though I'll give the woman credit, it was relatively modest). "How about this, sweetie? It's great for synagogue!". Argh. "Thanks, it just isn't my style". And then again: "How about this darling sweater? All of the Jewish girls love it!" (She really really said that.) At that point, I was finishing up as fast as I could, and I came out to see how the dress looked in the mirror (this being a store with the annoying breed of fitting rooms that do not have a mirror in each individual room, forcing customers out to use the large communal mirror - all the better to give the pushy annoying sales staff every opportunity to get access to torture you). At which point, APBBS came over and began tying the sash for me and adjusting the dress. The dress which I was actually wearing at that moment. At which point, due to my feelings about getting touched by people I don't know but already don't like, I sort of started backing away from her. At which point, APBBS said "Don't worry, you can let me touch you to fix your belt, I'm Jewish too, so I'm a very clean woman". At which point, Orthomom was rendered completely speechless for a moment. When I found my tongue, I mumbled something about not liking strangers to touch me, whether they were Jewish or non-Jewish (not necessarily the appropriate response to her bizarro comment, but really, is there actually even an appropriate response to such a bizarro comment??), got dressed and got the heck out of the store.

But the whole experience was a bit unnerving for me. I could have taken the idiotic comments about an outfit being "great for synagogue" or "what all the Jewish girls are wearing". That may well just be APBBS's idea of what pandering to a potential customer means. (I think you should try this skirt on, it's perfect for eating Matzah! Wouldn't this shirt would be great for lighting Hanukah candles!) But her comment that implied that I somehow was annoyed that she was touching me because she was a non-Jew? Do you think there are really people who live and work in the middle of Manhattan who think that an Orthodox Jew wouldn't be allowed to casually touch a non-Jew because they are somehow unclean? You have to wonder how many layers of misinformation and misunderstandings about Orthodox Judaism would bring someone (who claims to be Jewish, to boot!) to think that.